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We've been friends with a woman, who has overcome several obstacles, which I admire. Yet, she has been often blindsided in relationships. Her partner walked away, and it was an unexpected event. Several of close acquaintances disappeared at that point, because they seemed drawn to her husband. This surprised her deeply. She put in increased attention in our friendship, and must have understood more acutely the essence of true friendship.

Ongoing Issues In Relationships

Throughout this period, many in her circle have drifted apart without her being certain of the reason. Her previous job became hostile, although she was highly competent, she departed unaware of what had changed.

How Things Stand Now

Lately, we've both retired and are seeing frequent meetups, but I am finding the part I play in the relationship is to listen. I introduce discussion points but she shifts conversation onto things she cares about. Regarding political views, she expresses firm beliefs. I attempt to recommend double-checking information or other angles.

She has been arranging a trip abroad I know well on several occasions and resided in for a while. My intention was to provide insights, yet it was unappreciated. She really only wanted me to confirm her plans. I recently ended 30 days in that country and she wants to catch up, yet I'm reluctant.

Evaluating the Situation

I am unwilling to be a friend who abandons suddenly abruptly, yet I doubt she will ever comprehend the consequences of how she acts on how I feel about myself. At this point, I am in avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Potential Solutions

You could cut and run, however, that approach is seldom a smooth outcome that we desire. Yet having a direct talk with a view to a solution requires bravery and openness from both people.

Therapists recommend using a effective method for resolving disputes:

"The first step is to state how things go during your discussions. This needs to be as factual as possible and essentially what a recording device would replay. The second is to tell how this affects you emotionally. This allows for no dispute about this. What you feel are valid, after all. The third step is to question how the two of you can shift the interaction in your relationship."

Keep in mind your friend has her own side, meaning you must to stay open to hear that. A helpful technique is to say to the other person:

"Now you talk and I'm going to not say anything for a set time."

This can be successful to encourage better communication.

Closing Considerations

Your friend may dismiss your concerns, since certain individuals cling to a deep-seated story: they rely on a version about themselves they cannot abandon as it feels essential relies on it being the only thing they've known. This is difficult because there's no thoroughfare here, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might at first react like this and then think your perspective. If you don't achieve a resolution, you'll have peace from having been honest with her.